#i'm not saying all of this as something necessarily negative. just observing

[jewishcissiekj]

maybe it's just me but the current (adjectiveless) X-Men series sometimes feels more like a Cyclops solo series than an X-Men comic

[exaflux]

How good is BTAA Scarecrow at therapy really? (An Analysis) (Part 2)

[Part 1]

Alt title: What the hell is JoyCure anyway?

Now onto the long overdue second part of this analysis series looking at the most ethical psychologist the world has ever laid eyes on. We simply must rate his performance!

I apologeese for the delay on this. Been in my drafts for over a month blegh.

This is a very long analysis compared to the first part, word of warning.

This part contains- more breaking down of psychology approaches some in less detail if covered in the first bit, Harvey almost falling off a skyscraper, and in the conclusion some talks on JoyCure and a talk on how Jon views "trust" (if you're into character analysis)

Disclaimer- I am not a trained psychologist or therapist or anything of the like, I just like psychology as a topic. This writing is purely for fun.

Harvey and Two-face will be referred to seperately in this analysis, but if referring to both Harvey will be used as default. Jonathan is still Jonathan.

Delightfully surprised by all the people who enjoyed the first part by the way! The likes and reblogs are much appreciated~

Session two-

The following all takes place in S2, Episode 7 unless otherwise stated

This session starts out with Harvey and Two-Face talking amongst themselves, focusing on a strange noise they can mutually hear in the background. In his confusion, Harvey asks Jonathan if he's still there, to which he responds: "Yes. I'm right here, Harvey. You can leave your blindfold on until I tell you to remove it, please" (10:37). Immediately responding to the questions of a worried client would help with setting their nerves at ease while minimising the amount of time they'd experience distress, with the added bonus of some trust building. Also Jonathan is so polite here! What a nice man.

That sound that Harvey's hearing, by the way, is explained by Jon as such: "That's Harmony, Two-Face. You've never known a moment of it in your entire tortured existence" (10:55). Reminder that wording matters as it can influence client outlook, especially in a therapy setting. Describing a client's experiences as a "tortured existence" is quite negative and is not an example of a good therapy practice.

A bit further on Jonathan starts advertising his goods explaining why Harvey is hearing weird stuff, claiming "the JoyCure has brought peace at last to your long inner conflict. You simply must trust me. Remember, we talked about trust when you agreed to put that blindfold on for me?" (11:24). This sets the scene as a trust exercise. Not too bad. "You said to cooperate. We cooperated" "Yes, Harvey, cooperation, that's exactly what today's lesson is all about [...] I want you to cooperate with you" (11:36) Never mind. Please do not gaslight your clients then claim you were talking about something completely different when they catch wind of it. 🚩❌ The memory is actually quite suggestible. You can influence a person's memories by both wording used in a question and how you word it. As a psychologist Jon should know this.

Directly following on from Jon's previous statement, Two-Face says he doesn't get what Jon means, so he goes on to clarify "We have oh so many ways we wage war within ourselves every day. You're just an unusually extreme case" (12:01). This is a very interesting thing for Jon to say given his tendency to negatively describe his clients' situation, and at a blush I almost said this was within acceptable therapy practices. Almost. See, here he establishes that everyone suffers from inner conflict, and Harvey's situation is just a step above that. It's notable enough to comment on, being "unusually extreme" but it's still very much kept within the realm of normal behaviour. Imo the language use here ("extreme") doesn't necessarily have a negative connotation but is an observation, but your mileage may vary. This sounds good, right? But then you have to ask- why is Two-Face needing to ask about this to begin with? This session has been set up as a trust exercise already, and these have to be discussed and agreed to beforehand. It's ethically necessary. This tells me that Jonathan has completely neglected to explain the how and whys with Harvey before all this stuff was set up for the session. He broke ethics.

"I am going to take off your blindfold now, and then I'd like you to tell me how irrational you believe your fear of high places to be" (12:42). Always good practice to give clear and easy to follow instructions to clients if you're doing an exercise with them. After Harvey removes the blindfold, finding himself standing outside of a skyscraper window, Jon wants to know his thoughts- "Tell me how do you feel?" (13:18). Again therapy stuff. Therapists ask questions on how their clients feel about certain experiences, and in identifying a feeling clients can then work towards learning why they feel that way.

We find out that Harvey finds himself unbothered by how high up he is, and later that this is due to the drug he took, JoyCure. Immediately after being asked whether he'd like to look at the view alongside Harvey, Jon responds "Thank you, I'll stay here inside where it's safe" (13:40). As if it isn't obvious enough already, standing outside a skyscraper window isn't exactly safe. Therapists, don't ask your clients to do this either. Jon throughout most of this segment doesn't sound too bothered by his own breaching of ethics, in fact he sounds like a kid who just got told they'll be getting $50 worth of Robux after class for peak gaming. Maybe it's because he's still a therapist and considers all this as progress in his client? Who knows. Either way, Jon slowly gets Harvey to do increasingly more and more dangerous things on the ledge outside the window: "In fact, you might even dance a jig on that narrow ledge if I asked you to" (14:30), "[...] you would walk to the end of that flagpole if I asked you to, I bet" (15:07). Again, this is dangerous. At the very least he's just suggesting this. It's not like he's telling Harvey (who's still relying on others to make decisions for him at this point) to walk that flagpole, right? "Yes, I want you to show me you can walk it like a tightrope [...] Walk to the very end" (15:22). Ah.❌ At the very least he's celebratory of his client's achievements, exclaiming "Congratulations Harvey!" (15:56) when that flagpole does get walked like a tightrope. Nice.

"Now this next part is very dangerous. When you're ready, turn around and come back" (16:06)- Once again, wording matters in therapy settings. Stating that the next part of the exercise is dangerous would definitely not help with putting client's worries at ease.

Neither Harvey Two-Face nor Two-Face Two-face can make heads or tails cough cough of what they've been told to do. "What do you mean when we're ready?" "Simply discuss it amongst yourselves. When you mutually decide you want to come in, turn either to your left or alternately turn to your right and come back" (16:15). Jon again making his instructions clear to his client. Two-Face becomes uneased at this response however and wants Jon to tell him what to do, with Jon declining to (16:39). This is still within the realm of normal therapy practices as Jon can't do this exercise for Harvey.

Also, at this point it'd be good to mention that despite me characterising this whole thing as a "trust exercise" up 'til now, that isn't strictly the only thing it is. This whole scene is actually an example of exposure therapy. This form of therapy is performed normally on people to help treat phobias and various anxiety conditions, OCD and PTSD. As the name suggests, this is done through presenting the client with whatever thing is a trigger to them in feeling anxiety and over time through exposure they'll (in theory) feel less anxiety over the trigger. One caveat though- you're still supposed to talk about this with a client beforehand, understand how comfortable they feel with doing the exercise and be completely willing to stop the exercise if the client no longer wants to do it. It's apparent already that Jon hasn't done this. There's multiple types of exposure therapy, this one is called gradual exposure, or systematic desensitisation. With this version of the therapy a client is supposed to make a tier list of what things give them least to most anxiety called an (exposure hierarchy), then they work their way up at their own pace. Jon here seems to be calling the shots though much more than his clients on how much they "face their fears" as it were, especially given Harvey can't make any decisions for himself.

In fact, to make things even worse again, Jon increasingly makes the exercise more anxiety-inducing than it needs to be. He presents Harvey with more and more decisions ("Come on, Harvey. Turn right or turn left. Then once you've turned, do you lead with your left foot or your right?" (16:53)) then plays dumb about knowing that Harvey can't currently make decisions on his own, "Ah, but you're without your coin. I'd forgotten." (17:11). Of course he's BSing about forgetting, especially when you notice how he suggested walking the flagpole earlier ("you would [...] if I asked you to, I bet" (15:07)) which makes one wonder if he was wanting to see to what extent that Harvey would actually do what he was told. Hmm... Either way though, he's being a twat and deliberately causing distress. ❌❌❌

This part is the juiciest bit of the session- Harvey tells Jon that he's afraid, and Jon talks about the drugs, JoyCure, he put Harvey on. Unfortunately, the details on JoyCure will be left for the conclusion as it is too juicy. But, about Harvey being afraid, Jon has this to say- "Your real fear isn't high places. The fear your feeling right now? That's the fear that defines you, Harvey. The fear of having to make a decision [...] No coin. No counsel. Just the two of you." (17:34). To recap everything that has went on so far, Jon tried to make out all this was a trust exercise (and according to Two-Face, he was just told to co-operate) and then it turned out that all this was actually an attempt at gradual exposure. But now we find it actually isn't, because the fear that that therapy would have treated isn't actually a fear anymore due to JoyCure. Instead, Harvey has been dunked directly into his real fear, making a decision, which is closer to a different type of exposure therapy: flooding. Flooding (unlike gradual exposure) is basically the theraputic equivalent to throwing you in the deep end of whatever you're made anxious by. It's a valid therapy technique, but is only used in particular circumstances and again with the consent of the client first. Do we think that Jon got permission from Harvey to do this type of therapy? Probably not.

If it's all too much info to understand, here's a simplified diagram:

At this point the session devolves more and more into being a train-wreck. There's hardly any actual therapy going on.

As a rundown:

Harvey wants off the flagpole. Jon's immediate response is to faux panic about Harvey slipping before mocking him with a fun fact, "Did you know a baby's first instinct is a fear of falling?" (18:02). ❌

Two-Face threatens Jon with a "I'll kill you!" and Jon barks back "You said "I"! That's a breakthrough! One of you is taking charge!(18:10). A breakthrough is another word for a milestone in therapy. But really him calling it a "breakthrough" I don't think should be taken at face value for... Obvious reasons here. ❌❌

And finally, right before the session ends, our world renowned psychologist says "Come on now. You simply need to agree upon a strategy before it's too late" (18:24). Which I mean, he's making light of the situation and how easy it sounds (in theory) for Harvey to have both his halves work together. Definitely not an empathatic approach like you'd want from a therapist.❌❌❌

In conclusion:

Just as with his first second? session with Harvey, Jonathan demonstrates good skills as a therapist, but misuses those skills repeatedly. Again, he ignores ethics and purposefully causes distress to his clients, being even worse about it than the first session somehow. At least in the first session you could argue that he made some attempt to follow standard therapy room procedure up until a point. Here though? Definitely not.

In fact just to overview everything that happens in the session, because it's a bit much to process all at once:

Harvey goes to do this exercise blindfolded, not being told what's happening until he's already outside the window. Jon goes on this whole "trust me" spiel and Two-Face points out they were told to co-operate.

Jon talks about his drug JoyCure and how it's stopped Harvey's conflicted feelings. He then tells Harvey to remove the blindfold and report how he's feeling.

He then suggests/outright tells Harvey to do increasingly dangerous stunts. You could argue this is gradual exposure therapy, but done in the worst way possible.

After he gets Harvey to walk the flagpole, Jon tells Harvey he can come back whenever he's ready. During this he's very vocal and clear on what Harvey should do. Harvey can't make a decision, Jon knows this.

Harvey shits the bed because it turns out the real fear he has is over making a decision for himself. Jon knew this the whole time, and knew that JoyCure wouldn't help with that. Suddenly the method of therapy used has shifted to become flooding therapy.

Jon absolutely refuses to assist Harvey during any of this when it comes to overcoming his fears. The session only ends because Jon's secretary calls him.

So what can we get from this beyond our wonderful analysis subject being absolutely atrocious as a therapist? Well two major things stand out.

Firstly, that Jon knew from the beginning how everything would play out. He knew how JoyCure would affect Harvey and to what extent it would. He knew that "the fear that defines" Harvey was decision making, and he most likely figured this out this from as early on as the first session if one remembers how that went. Everything from beginning to end was elaborately set up in the session to make Harvey face his defining fear head on. This plays out very similarly to the first session- Jon steered everything in the direction he wanted it to go in just to make Harvey acknowledge his fears.

Thing is though, this premise has some... Interesting implications if one looks at what Jon talks about at the start of the session. Now granted I did try saying that Jon was speedrunning therapy last part of this analysis series. That idea still stands imo shitposty as it is. But to add to it though, to focus on how Jon apparently "talked about trust" before the session began. Two-Face responded that they were told to co-operate though rather than trust, and unless it's a situation where Harvey Two-Face misinterpreted something that was said, chances are he was just told to go along with it not that he has a choice. Trust was also mentioned first session too, where Jon explains that establishing a bond of trust would be the best way for him to help Harvey, and that translates to him removing Harvey's coin. Hell, Jon even tells Harvey "I think we're gonna make excellent progress if you just put your trust in me" as early as their first meeting (S2, E4, 33:04).

So what might this all mean? Just going off of the two sessions observed so far, Jon's method of doing therapy is to seek out what main fear makes a person tick, then try and get the person to acknowledge and/or face it head on whether they'd like to or not. His idea of "trust" is just having a person be unable to (or at the very least, not likely to) resist. As for his intentions about all this... That's honestly up for discussion. But! I'm hard pressed saying that none of it is him actually wanting people to overcome their fears. Not downplaying how terrible he is mind, but it'd be perplexing that a psychologist who would be only focused on traumatising clients (who can also uncover what a client is frightened by so rapidly too!) would still choose to try and get the client to recognise that fear in themselves rather than just, ya know, not telling the client their deepest fears and scaring the heebie jeebies out of them. He even goes as far as to set up a session on a skyscraper to make an elaborate point about Harvey's defining fear. He tells Harvey beforehand what he needs to do in the session, and it isn't just doing everything he says: "I want you to cooperate with you". If Jon talks about "trusting him" it's bad news. He asks whether Skids trusts him during the infamous Stabberscotch scene too, again a moment where the person he's asking to trust him is forced to co-operate (S2, E4, 5:06), reinstating the point. That said, given Jon's belief that "fear sets limits on courage" (S2, E4, 4:15), I don't reckon that him wanting to see people overcome fear is out of any streak of benevolence as much as him just wanting to see how far that person's fear goes. The possibility they might be able to overcome the fear might be the real enticing thing for him.

Second major thing that stands out, that this JoyCure thing he put Harvey on. It stops Harvey from feeling his fear of heights but not his fear of making decisions. As for why, I wager it's because JoyCure is a drug that causes feelings of euphoria and dulls basic fear caused by instinct, but it doesn't help at all with fears you actively think about.

If you're really confused right now by what I mean I don't blame you, but it'll make sense.

At the beginning of the session, Jon uses the co-operation talk to segway into rambling about conflict. According to him, everyone feels conflict, and Harvey is just a step up from that. Conflict is caused by fear, and "When what we know is false coincides with what we fear is true, that’s a conflict and there are casualties." (12:13). Harvey is on the drug, and he seems hunky-dory, not arguing with himself, but then again he doesn't have to: Jon is giving him instructions rather than making him do anything on his own. His fear of heights seemingly vanished, he doesn't feel even slightly nervous being asked to dance or walk a flagpole so high up. But, again, he's being told to do this. In fact, remember I mentioned earlier that Jon gave a fun fact, "Did you know a baby's first instinct is a fear of falling"? That's the thing, Jon is saying here (whether intentionally or not) that a fear of heights is hardwired into us from birth. Harvey's fear of it isn't unusual at all, but JoyCure prevents him from feeling that instinct anyway. And to elaborate further, "When what we know is false coincides with what we fear is true, that’s a conflict", but Harvey is scared of heights, scared he might fall off because the height will harm him, and he's on a skyscraper so it's true. There is no inner conflict in knowing his feelings are unfounded, because they are.

So overall, if I'm right with this idea anyway self-preservation while on JoyCure goes functionally out the window. You'd normally get nervous putting your hand near a hot stove tops for example, knowing you'd get burnt, but if you took JoyCure you wouldn't feel any nerves at all about it. To again quote Jon, "Fear is a furnace which must be fed. What I have done is empty your mental coal tinder" (14:22) talking about how the drug works, that whatever "tinder" is there (in this case instinctive fear) is emptied. So, I suppose, consciously fearing is the equivalent of adding tinder again? I mean, Harvey starts feeling fear because he consciously has to make a decision, he has to think about it actively and worry actively, rather than just have the fear be reflexive like it would be dealing with something dangerous. I imagine because of this the drug also wouldn't work as a treatment for anxiety disorders. Very Sadge 💔

FINAL SCORE FOR THE SESSION:

🎊 1/10 🎊

How the hell Jon got worse than first session I have no idea but here we are. The extent of his therapy here is using psychological theory to prove a point to his clients that they're terrified of making decisions on their own. Elaborate and impressive! He probably spent more time planning how this session was gonna go than actually doing what's expected of him as a therapist.

This man does not care about ethics, client's feelings or whether his sessions might kill a man.

In fact he knows his sessions might kill someone. He plans them out after all:

"When what we know is false coincides with what we fear is true, that’s a conflict and there are casualties"

[moodymisty]

Something i find very interesting about the Horus Heresy is the general absence of female influences. The core characters are all male, and conduct themselves in typically masculine ways. Excepting the general absence of libido, (most of) the Primarchs are pure manliness.

I find this dynamic very interesting. Men behave differently towards each other when women aren't around to observe them. Sometimes this is positive (e.g. brotherly affection), but sometimes it's negative (e.g. resorting to violence as a means of conflict resolution). The same is roughly true of women when men aren't around, except that women exhibit different behaviours (e.g. cattiness rather than violence).

If you have mixed group of men and women, the two sides tend to temper each other. Men break up female conflicts, and women break up male conflicts. Likewise, the presence of men motivates women in unique ways, and the presence of women motivates men in equally unique ways. This motivation isn't always positive (e.g. a woman could spread malicious gossip about her romantic rival), but it can certainly be positive in many cases.

This isn't a hard rule, as everyone is different, but it's a tendency i've witnessed. Men and women affect each other just by being around each other. It's just human nature.

On this basis, then, the Horus Heresy is interesting because it essentially represents how men react when there aren't women around to temper them. Lots of ego clashes, lots of petty one-upmanship, lots of violence, and very little consideration given for anything other than dominance. Even though there are certainly respectable female characters present in 30k, many of whom influence the Astartes and Primarchs around them, they don't play any tangible role within the politics of the Legions, and there is no female equal to the Primarchs whom they would have reason to listen to. They are all "mortals", and therefore not of any great concern to most of them, even in the best of cases.

(For the record, i'm not arguing that masculinity is inherently barbaric and ego-driven. I'm just saying that such is the "dark side" of manliness. An example of the "light side" of manliness is chivalry, which - you've guessed it - is partly motivated by the presence of women.)

In essence, the Horus Heresy is - to me - a story about what happens when masculinity is left to run rampant without a female voice present to call out all the shitty behaviour, and make the men feel bad about their childishness. It's basically like Lord of the Flies, but the fate of humanity is at stake. That's what makes 30k so tragic and engaging; it's all so avoidable.

The closest thing the Primarchs have to such an influence is The Emperor, who fulfils the role of a father figure. Although patriarchal (fatherly) figures are necessarily judgemental and punitive when necessary, it's not the same as being scolded by a mother figure or a spousal figure. Being scolded by Dad feels different to being scolded by Mum, or by your wife. With the exception of Guilliman, mother figures are not present in the lives of the Primarchs, and it reeeaaally shows. Also, the Emperor is a very absent parental figure to the Primarchs, meaning that they're mostly left to their own devices despite behaving like teenagers. This is another reason why 30k feels like Lord of the Flies.

Now this is purely speculation on my part, but if the Primarchs started getting married off to stable and well-adjusted women close to an equal footing with themselves (say, powerful perpetuals), the women would be a positive influence on them, and the Horus Heresy would be much more mild, if it happened at all. Sure, you might get different stories (such as Horus being deceived by a daemon disguised as his late wife), but that's not what Warhammer is about. Warhammer is about big men/robots/aliens hitting each other for assorted reasons, and the tempering influence of women would detract from this, in some areas. So... No wish fulfilment dreams for us :'(

I love the idea that the HH never happens because a few of the primarchs actually got pussy.

[guardian5tiger3]

Your truest love in this lifetime 💕first time seeing eachother 😘

1 2

3 4

5 6

One.

Ok. So for you guys I'm seeing that you or them or possibly both of you are going to be going through something or will just be sad. I see you both talking. They might hear you talk before talking or vise versa. You guys are going to instantly relate a lot and they are going to make you feel better and vise versa but for most of you I'm seeing the dynamic that you're upset and they talk you to help in some way. They see you as beautiful. They're going to make you feel way more sane about what you're going through and confirm to you that it's normal and there isn't anything wrong with you. They will relate with you. Things will move fast after this because the love is almost instantly there. You guys will mostly just know what's up. I see you guys kind of tumbling a little bit here and there for a while in the start but is it love if you don't get a little clumsy? If there ends up being a period probably a shorter period of not much communication it's spirit guiding you or them or both of you to decide to share your feelings. This I'm seeing marriage or just very long-term. 💖

Two

You might say something shocking or very substantial. They're going to watch you from a far and admire you and observe. They might just leave without saying anything but somehow I really see them getting your phone number or contacts somehow. So you won't know as much about them as they do about them initially. I really wanted to say "and the rest is history " so that gives you an idea of your future with them ahah.💚

Three

You or them are going to have some type of victory in life around this time, I heard "advancement" for around half of you this is work related or financial. This might be at a celebration for such a thing. I see someone flirting with someone and the other person in a blushing, flattered, maybe nervous energy . Neither do you are going to realize how deep this is or at least one of you isn't. You might not perceive this as serious but... Man.... Somebody might walk away after that but spirit is coming up like no. Absolutely not. And they're are going to orchestrate this where there is no other option like you are meant to be so a lot of you will see them again in a work setting or kind of a similar setting as before. Somebody is gonna see them again somewhere random like a store but for you guys at that point you will both take as a sign it's serious and meant to be in a way.

Four

I am really getting magical energy I can feel it in my hands. You and this person more or less are very developed people , I heard smart. You both have it together. Not necessarily to societies standards, but to spirits. I got the tower so I think you'll both feel something big is going on.negative things might be going on but it's like you guys come together to tackle all of this together but it's almost like you guys come together and that all disappears anyway at least temporarily.

Spirit shows me you guys getting together and I think this is your souls not you guys in reality. but spirit doesnt want you to know the dynamic fully. I see it being way more complicated than any of the other readings. I'm getting a lot of negative cards for some reason. Yah so your souls get together before you do in the physical and whatever your souls guide you to do might not be getting together but you're both almost working together to manipulate this negative stuff going around you guys. It seems like a lot you both have to do. You both stand by yourselves for a while so you know this person well before you get together for real. When you guys are brought together it's probably going to be introduced to you both as a situation not involved connecting with eachother but this situation ends up making that happen.

Five

One of you is going to a situation of conflict to try to offer help or bring peace. The other will come in after like hey! How can I also help. Lol. This is funny cause whenever comes in after the other person is gonna be like seriously . Why are you coming here now.as if this person has some alterior motives or is a follower or something. They felt called to though. This person could like metal. They seem super goofy and it's like the stuff their into is goofy because of how they are about it. They're charming. Some of you one of you is gonna be like some type of scenario of oh man let's trade numbers or can I have your number or something cause oh , like for instance insurance cause of this car crash or something. They are silly lol. I like this person guys. I'm guessing you're the one that goes in first and they come in kind of goofy after for most of you that is so. So overall basically for all of you you're both approaching some time of conflict and the dynamic between you two is goofy.

Six

222 am right now. You guys are just gonna be doing something casual, for a lot of you I see you walking. It seems like you two are the only people around eachother, they're going to come up and talk to you, you'll start talking about life, and the conversation will just be super natural or fluid at least for one of you. It will just simply go from there. I'm getting a lot about synchronicities especially numbers for you guys. This is a really simple , pure, clear energy. There's not much more to be said. It's nice. I'm not getting super romantic immediately for most of you but as you get closer it will just sort of turn into that. 💗 No blockages, nothing extra. I like this. 🙂✨

[chibimui]

The Apothecary Diaries LN3 Thoughts - Ch14: His Former Majesty

LN 3: Prologue-ch2 - ch3-5 - ch6-8 - ch9-11 - ch12-13

Are you surprised I dedicated an entire post to one chapter? Well honestly so was I, but chapter 14 drops so much information about the royal family, Jinshi, Anshi, as well as the former Emperor. In hindsight, there is no way I couldn't have a million and one thoughts about this chapter.

It's also extra hard for me not to be extra-invested in Jinshi/royal family focused chapters because we get them so rarely. Jinshi is truly a character we learn about drip by little drip. Especially up to this point, and this chapter gives us basically a whole stream. It's such a gift! If it weren't for the summer retreat chapters later on this would probably have been my most favourite chapter of this volume.

(Warning: These thoughts may contain spoilers from later light novels all the way up until LN15.)

Chapter 14 - His Former Majesty

So, a fun thing with reading in Japanese is there is something called "gikun" (義訓) which is when you have a kanji with an irregular furigana reading attached to it. This creates fun things like how the former Emperor is described as a 幼女趣味 and the furigana reading for it is ロリコン (lolicon).

I don't think there is an actual proper reading for 幼女趣味 so the irregular furigana makes sense, but the characters literally read as "young girl hobby" which... I think most people can understand what that implies. Anyway, the reason for this random tangent? I just want everyone to know, I think it's hilarious that the Emperor is literally called a "lolicon".

ANYWAY. Moving on.

One of the things I enjoy about all these little court politic details is how much it reveals about each of the characters without actually explicitly saying anything. The implication here is that Gyokuyou is modest, Lihua a bit more ostentatious, but befitting of her rank, and Lady Loulan is just... ridiculous. And then there is Lishu who is trying her best, but gets stuck awkwardly in the middle--not doing enough to befit her rank (presumably), but also not doing so little as to make it seem purposeful so it's obvious she's just kind of floundering. Poor girl.

No someone please help this poor girl out seriously.

When I think about future events, I realize this moment is actually quite significant. One of Maomao's stipulations about not wanting a relationship with Jinshi is because she does not want to become enemies with Lady Gyokuyou and I feel like part of that comes from her experience acting as both Jinshi and Lady Gyokuyou's retainer. She hasn't even done anything necessarily wrong and is already getting a small taste of what it would be like should Hongniang even get the smallest inkling that Maomao may have negative intentions towards her lady and it's not great.

We also get this passage a bit later:

At her core, Maomao doesn't want to hurt anybody nor does she want anyone to be hurt by others. It makes me realize that this shuffling back and forth was probably quite stressful for Maomao.

This is so cute and I love little character-building details like this. Suiren is very much a side character, but I love how Natsu-sensei still takes the time to let us learn a bit about her.

Okay. This next part. I'm basically just going to screenshot all the pages and highlight what stood out to me because there is so much.

Besides the introduction chapter to this LN, this is some of the most information we ever get about Jinshi all at once in regards to his past and why he is the way he is.

As far as LN1 we already had snippets and pieces of Jinshi becoming obsessed with his favourite toys, but now we come across actual evidence of just how much Jinshi loved his toys from Maomao's observation. This is a boy who could've literally had any number of toys he wanted, and all he wanted was the thing he already had in this hands (or which were taken out of his hands).

And it's so clear to everyone around Jinshi who his current "favourite toy" is. The thing that really drives me crazy about this specific metaphor is that typically equating people to toys is done so with a negative connotation. This is played straight all the way through LN1 where Jinshi explicitly calls Maomao his new "play piece" and we get confirmation of growth when Gaoshun acknowledges that Jinshi does not see Maomao as "just a toy" anymore. Now though, we get that flipped on its head because we see just how much Jinshi loved his toys and how much of a compliment it is for Maomao to be Jinshi's "favourite"--he's never going to let her go.

At this point in time though, Maomao still doesn't reciprocate and her answer to Suiren's question in this moment is a clear sign of that. She may not see Jinshi negatively, but she certainly is still many, many, steps away from seeing him as anything but her boss, and this is on purpose by Maomao. At this point Maomao has many avenues to become closer to Jinshi if she just allowed herself, but she doesn't--and so I love how Suiren forces the connection a bit by sharing something intimate about Jinshi that Maomao would never think to pry into herself.

And you know what I love most? That when Suiren provides the smallest nugget, Maomao immediately takes the bait and starts asking questions. Because no matter how much Maomao tries to suppress it, she is genuinely curious about Jinshi and we know that Maomao is only curious about things she actually cares about.

Finally, Maomao's last observation about how people treat Jinshi is an interesting one. Even though Maomao does understand Jinshi a bit better now, she clearly still doesn't see the full picture. She still doesn't connect the dots of what it means that she is allowed to see this side of him--because it as an allowance, not just from Jinshi, but from Suiren and Gaoshun. Oh well, it's baby steps for our girl. Truly the teeny-tiniest of baby steps.

Phew. Alright. Moving on to the resolution of the mystery and stuff about the royal family! So we learn the Emperor was an avid painter and basically inhaled so much chemicals he managed to stop his body from decomposing. Wild stuff. Things that stood out to me:

First, outside of Maomao paying attention to Jinshi, I just personally find Jinshi's reaction quite interesting. I truly wish we had access to Jinshi's thoughts throughout this whole chapter because Maomao clearly doesn't care at all, Anshi clearly has very mixed feelings towards the former Emperor, but Jinshi? Jinshi is a total mystery when it comes to his thoughts on his "father", but it's clear that this new information left him quite unsettled and I want to know why.

I also want to point out, it's interesting that Natsu-sensei decided to make the Emperor's painting hobby be this huge secret because in Chinese history there is the concept of the "four arts" (music, tactics, calligraphy, and art). The mark of a true scholar-intellect was someone who mastered all four, so in my mind I feel like you would actually want people to know he was a great painter--make him look better than he really was. Buuuuut I guess this is just proof that Li is definitely not Ancient China.

Okay - let's talk about Anshi. She doesn't show up much, but the small bit we do learn about her is incredibly revealing.

This entire opening paragraph from Anshi's POV and then the memory of her first encounter with the Emperor is just...

I feel like this gets across much more in the Japanese - but Anshi sounds so detached when going through her memories. You can feel how she is shutting everything down because if she doesn't she will break down and fall apart knowing what became of her life. Yes--she is the Empress Dowager, but at what cost? Well, we read about the cost. Ugh. It's so dark.

The description of both herself and the Emperor in this memory is so striking. The way Natsu-sensei framed things so that somehow the Emperor is the one who comes off as more pitiable than the literal 10 year old girl who was sent to him to be used.

Then we switch to feeling her anger as she describes when, how and why she became pregnant with her second son. The utter contempt she holds for this man, not just because of how he actively hurt her or others, but also that he discarded her. How much had she held back all those years of having her life threatened, having assassins sent after her, of being scorned, pitied, and looked down on for having the Emperors only legitimized son, and then to be "forgotten" by the man who did this to her. Oof.

I cannot believe this piece of info was dropped so casually and then becomes so integral to events that occur later on. I love it. I cannot wait for anime watchers to have their minds blown.

And finally at the end of Anshi's musings I have some uh... corrections/editing to make.

1) This sentence should be part of the previous paragraph. Anshi is reflecting on the realization that she actually loved her second son. I've seen comments with people presuming Anshi made the switch because she couldn't stand to see her son which was born out of rape, but that's not true. She loved her son regardless of how he had been conceived.

2) The entire paragraph about "there on the wall..." - unfortunately appears to have been interpreted wrongly in the English LN's. I don't blame the translator for this--it's very ambiguous and I feel like I only see the connection now because of what occurs in future chapters. In this paragraph Anshi is actually looking at Jinshi and reflecting on how much he looks like the former Emperor. The last part I underlined should read more like "But that person was gone, and few would still recognize the appearance before them that had once existed decades ago".

All in all, minor things, but I remember being very confused at this part when reading the English LN the first time. I didn't understand what Anshi had "suddenly realized" and what painting was being referenced. My first thought had been Anshi realizing SHE was at the center of the painting. I think it's meant to be a bit ambiguous though as Anshi continues to grapple with just how messed up and twisted her relationship and feelings towards the former Emperor were, and how unaware she was of his thoughts towards her.

Finally we hit the end where Jinshi has a brief conversation with Anshi. I've always loved this moment and I wish it was ten pages longer. Mostly because I genuinely find Anshi quite a fascinating character. She's frequently described as "too kind" (and it's often implied in a negative way), but through this chapter we realize she's a woman who is made of reinforced steel. She's a survivor of hell and back and then appears to have made it her goal to stop as much atrocity from happening to others as best she can.

We also get an understanding of just how little direct and open love Jinshi really got growing up, and that it was a purposeful, although regretful, decision. Even with Suiren and Gaoshun in the picture - they are attendants, staff--they can only show him so much love. No wonder why he has such low confidence in himself.

Even so, we understand through Anshi's musings that it's not like she doesn't love Jinshi. In fact, it's clear that son or grandson, she desperately wanted to protect him and keep him safe. And so before they part she gives some final words of advice.

I love how Anshi's advice speaks to her acknowledgment that taking Jinshi's toys, hiding her feelings from him, did not actually help him the way she had wanted it to. So instead she changes her tactic and advises JInshi that if he is going to have favourites to hide them better lest other people find out and use them against him instead.

Does Jinshi do this? Hilariously, Not. At. All. Everyone and their moms know who Jinshi's favourite is. You can't blame Anshi for trying though.

And that's that for this chapter. Happy new year folks!

[ch15-17]

[scoobydoodean]

Do you have siblings, and what order are you in?

How do you view and feel about Sam running away multiple times, and then in 5.16 Sam running away are the only memories he's given? (and do you think angels did that purposefully?)

I am the younger of two and I understand how Sam can run away and how it would only be about getting away from their, but that Dean would feel the brunt of it all. But I can totally imagine my older sibling understanding Dean, but not necessarily Sam's pov.

I also don't think Sam's reasoning is ever fully explained, at least in 5.16, it makes him seem much more selfish and uncaring. I think he assumed Dean was better equipped to handle living with their dad alone simply because he behaved, it just happened to be that Dean and dad were linked - and I don't really know how much they talked about their relationship with their dad till they were older.

I wonder if Dean ever would've considered leaving John and living somewhere near Sam, or even running away with Sam.

I have three siblings. I'm in the middle. Two older siblings and the caboose is 7 years younger than me. So I remember what it's like to be the baby but I also know what it's like to play older sibling to a sibling several years younger than me. My younger brother and I are also very close.

If this was all prompted by my comment the other day that I wasn't looking forward to watching "Dark Side of the Moon", I don't dislike the episode because it shows Sam running off. I do have issues with the episode, but a large part of my distaste for it is that it is generally very depressing. It being depressing in of itself isn't a criticism of the episode—it's supposed to be depressing because it's about total loss of hope and belief for Dean (and then Cas as well losing hope at the end of the episode). It's doing what it's supposed to do in that sense. It's just hard to watch. Unfortunately, a lot of people take the bleakness of it and the idea that Dean is a burden and etc as truth and not manipulation meant to drive him to say "yes", and that also makes me rather sour about it.

I don't care that Sam wanted to go to college, or that he was happy at another family's thanksgiving at one point in his life. The Flagstaff memory bothers me a little because Sam's fond recollection of it, unmarred by any negative associations, clearly suggests he didn't face any consequences for running off once John found him. The fact that he never even into his adult life considered that Dean might have faced consequences does feel rather self-centered, and that's on purpose. I don't care that Sam went to school or that there were points as a kid where he wanted to run off.

I do disagree with the premise that Sam still desires some normal core Thanksgiving. I simply don't think that would be a favorite memory for Sam anymore. Just a few episodes prior to this, in "Swap Meat", Sam sat down with someone else's family for a normal, family dinner and he hated it. He found Gary's parents absolutely obnoxious. He told Gary afterward that he envied his life, only to turn to Dean and say he lied.

SAM I totally lied. That kid's life sucked ass. All that apple-pie, family crap? It's stressful. Trust me – we didn't miss a damn thing.

Or observe earlier in the episode:

DEAN You ever think that you'd want something like that? Wife, rugrats, the whole nine? SAM No, not really my thing anymore.

In fact, it's Dean who envies the normal life in "Swap Meat" and several other episodes (ex: 2.20, 4.19) whereas Sam indicates several times that a normal life is not something he wants (2.02, 2.10, 2.20, 4.08, 4.19, 5.12). In 4.08 and in 2.20, Sam in fact overtly states that he would not go back and choose a normal life now if he could go back. In 3.01, 4.19, and in 5.06, Sam also heavily emphasizes the importance of family within the hunting dynamic. I track a lot of this within the tag #sam the hunter.

I think there is a strong argument to be made that Zachariah ran them through heaven like rats in a maze in 5.16, directing them toward certain memories and not others in order to make Dean believe that Sam doesn't care for him (I have a separate post to make about this in more detail). However, I don't believe Zachariah forced in memories that aren't "greatest hits". I think he just drove them away from any happy memories Sam has with Dean and toward ones where Sam grasped independence from John, misappropriated to make Dean feel Sam doesn't care about Dean or appreciate/recognize his sacrifices (the former is not true, but the latter is in fact true in many cases).

Note though that when Joshua arrives and takes them to heaven's garden:

SAM: This is heaven’s Garden? DEAN: It’s-it’s nice… ish. I guess. JOSHUA: You see what you want to here. For some it’s God’s throne room; for others it’s Eden. You two, I believe it’s the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip.

So right there, we have a shared favorite memory, right after (presumably) any potential influence Zachariah had on what memories they were seeing was eliminated.

What primarily irritates me about this episode and many other Dabb/Loflin episodes is their perpetual need to insert the narrative that Sam wants a normal life he explicitly states he does not want over and over and over in everyone else's episodes, while they write Dean as someone who says things like "I mean, we’re supposed to be a team. It’s supposed to be you and me against the world, right?" It implies a sort of desperation vs apathy that, even when contradicted in subtler ways, I just don't find interesting... And yet they seem to harp on the same dramatic "misunderstanding" over and over and over for all eternity. And Dabb continues it after cutting ties with Loflin. In fact he continues to toy with these obnoxious dramatics to the very end of the series in a way I find unbelievably tired and obnoxious and I resent it. He's the same one-trick pony when it comes to his ideas on Dean and Cas conflicts in the later seasons.

As to your last bit there: Dean did consider running off. We see this in "Bad Boys", and in that episode, we also see that Dean doesn't end up abandoning their family because he felt Sam needed him. We hear a similar narrative in regards to John in 1.06 from the mouth of the shifter—that Dean had dreams of his own, but Dean felt that John needed him, so Dean stayed. John echoes this when he says that he was an emotional wreck and Dean took care of him (2.01). We see Dean also taking care of Mary in "Dark Side of the Moon" after she gets off the phone with John, upset. 5.16 casts Dean as someone perpetually sacrificing his own needs for his family, but unappreciated all the while. In fact, Sam doesn't recognize any of his sacrifices. Dean is nothing more than a blood offering on the altar of family. Zachariah intends this narrative and leans into it heavily in the scene where he explicitly manipulates what Sam and Dean are seeing.

MARY: Don’t you walk away from me. I never loved you. You were my burden. I was shackled to you. Look what it got me. The worst was the smell. The pain, well. What can you say about your skin bubbling off? But the smell was so… You know, for a second I thought I’d left a pot roast burning in the oven. But… it was my meat. And then, finally, I was dead. The one silver lining was that at least I was away from you.

Zachariah has Mary speak about Dean being a burden to his family and to her, but it's potentially more layered than "Dean has abandonment issues". What Mary says about being shackled to Dean—being burdened by her child—firmly recollects Dean's claim to Cas in 5.03 that he's chained to his family through responsibility, and that finally being away from Sam is a relief. This fake Mary says death was her escape from similar chains of responsibility to her loved ones. It was the only escape. Burned up and dead but finally free. There's an implication there that Dean can finally escape responsibility in a similar way, and in two episodes, Dean is going to try and escape by saying "Yes".

[purplink8]

Ok, you convinced me. Light is not a sociopath

I would say Light is a Narcissist because his motivations and behaviours can be explained with this criteria. All his murders come from this idea of becoming a god and his impulsivity appears when his ego is being attacked, his trigger is being called "evil" or something that reflects negatively on his idealized image of himself.

I agree that Light isn't a psychopath or a sociopath since he's whole world view and motivations can be explained by Narcissism, however he can still have "Antisocial" traits such as lack of emotional control, impulsivity, break rules to fulfill their goals, etc (criminal traits, not necessarily psychopathy/sociopathy traits).

You can see this clearly on Ted Bundy because he is very Narcissistic but also has antisocial traits, WITHOUT having any of the cognitive impairments of the psychopath or sociopath.

Ted started killing women after his ex girlfriend rejected him, this hurt his ego and this triggered his anger, so he started to vent by killing women that looked like her (dark hair, line in the middle,etc).

We can see his Narcissism on his motivation (ego, rejection) and his Antisocial traits on his killing (impulsive, lack of control) however we can also see his empathy: He would let go some women because they had a daughter just like him or they liked the same radio station.

Ted even said that he didn't like talking to his victims much because otherwise it made it harder for him to kill them, this is a twisted and selfish version of empathy, but it's there…

The only one that could probably classify as a psychopath (if he was human) is Ryuk.

I wonder if you mean narcissism in general (as just a personality trait) or NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) specifically? If it's the latter then I'm afraid that I shall not discuss it any further as my knowledge about psychology is very limited and it would be unfair of me to share my uninformed (for the most part) views. Nevertheless, I will allow myself to state that I (personally) don't believe that Light has NPD or any other personality disorder for that matter.

If it's the former (i.e. narcissism outside the clinical sense, i.e., one admiring (or being interested in) one's self way too much), I can see how you came to this conclusion. I still disagree as this headcanon is not for me. I'm not going to tell you to change your headcanon or anything (you do you, as the saying goes), I'll just give my opinions on why I don't think he's a Narcissist (even if we're speaking in colloquial terms). Moving on to your ask~

Ok, you convinced me. Light is not a sociopath I would say Light is a Narcissist because his motivations and behaviours can be explained with this criteria. All his murders come from this idea of becoming a god and his impulsivity appears when his ego is being attacked, his trigger is being called "evil" or something that reflects negatively on his idealized image of himself.

First of all, I'm glad that we're in mutual agreement of Light not being a sociopath. But I differ from your opinion that 'All his murders come from this idea of becoming a god', I guess the anime is to blame for this assessment of Light's character. I prefer the manga and will answer this ask in accordance with it. I'm linking this post again + this one (coz it's that important in fundamentally understanding Light's motivations for becoming Kira).

Let me reiterate my points on how Light's murders do not come for his idea of becoming a god in short.

Light finds the Death Note -> Tries it out of curiosity -> oh no! Otoharada *actually* dies -> must be a coincidence -> tests the Note again -> nope! definitely not a coincidence -> him, the model citizen, now a murderer of 2 people? -> let's get rid of this evil thing -> but hey that'd imply it was a mistake, wouldn't it? & Light Yagami doesn't make mistakes = it wasn't a mistake -> it was all for the good of this world!

Observe Light's thinking here:

"...But come on, I can't quit. So I lose my peace of mind. So I sacrifice people's lives...Somebody has to do this!! The world needs to be cleaned up."

There is no mention of planning to become a God of the New world, instead it sounds more like someone dying as a martyr for his cause.

Before meeting Ryuk, Light views using the notebook as a necessary sacrifice of his peace of mind and of other people's lives for the betterment of the world. The important thing to note here is that it's Light telling Ryuk from his POV but the readers should know better than to fall for Light's words. From the moment Ryuk arrived, he is putting on a performance.

So what's the truth? His first 2 kills were unintentional, we know that. Light thought that he was doomed to lose his life/soul for the sin of using a Death God's notebook, we also know that. Combine these two facts with:

Light doesn't make mistakes. Especially not on such an enormous scale;

Light is an ambitious fellow of mere 17 years. He hasn't had a chance of finding his life's purpose this young. If he were to die now, he'd not be able to achieve his life's purpose; respectively.

And we can conclude that all of Light's actions are due to him denying vehemently to himself that he fucked up (his first two kills) + he's scared of dying (at the Shinigami's hands) without making any noticeable difference in the world. These reasons contribute to him killing a LOT of criminals with heart attacks before Ryuk's arrival.

But Light does say this to Ryuk:

"And I...will reign over a new world."

So yeah, an explanation from my side is due, which will be given shortly. Let's break it down:

Till now, I have provided the reasons why Light went on his killing spree. What about his infamous 'God complex' that seemed to appear out of nowhere? The answer will be found once we understand why Light reacts the way he does to Ryuk.

He screams and falls on the floor as he sees Ryuk:

He, internally, believes that Ryuk will kill him for using the notebook and that's why he tries to buy his time, so he may persuade Ryuk otherwise.

He holds eye contact with Ryuk as he gets up.

And says, "I'm not surprised to see you, Ryuk. In fact...I've been waiting for you..." Read what's between the lines. Light wants Ryuk to believe that killing him would be a waste as he's 'not like other humans'. He shows him the Note containing all the names he's written in the span of just 5 days:

And Light's keikaku (to stay alive for as long as possible after the Shinigami's arrived) so far is working! We know this as Ryuk is positively impressed by how Light has surpassed his expectations. "Most people would be too scared." This is exactly what Light was hoping for, the chances that Ryuk would kill this particular human, who is not like most people, has decreased somewhat, in Light's POV.

You wouldn't kill a bird that lays golden eggs, now would you? In any case, Light has established to Ryuk that he's a special human, different from others. Light is still scared that Ryuk would kill him that he has to confirm it with the latter:

Only for Ryuk to inform him that nope, he won't do anything to Light.

When Light double-checks with Ryuk is there really is no price for using the death note, Ryuk tells him that when Light dies, Ryuk'll be the one writing his name down. Translation- Ryuk will, for sure, write his name into his notebook someday to kill Light.

A Death God will be the judge of how long you'll live. What do you do?

Ask him more questions, of course, such as 'Why did you choose me?' To get what Ryuk's deal is. What he wants. To figure out if there's a way to please him so that Light may live a longer life probably. Ryuk's answer that he didn't choose Light, he just dropped it and Light happened to pick it up does not benefit Light in the slightest. He has to work out Ryuk's motivations fast; lest he be killed.

Ryuk dropped the Death Note in the human world because he was bored.

What's the impression Light got from this? How can he use this information to his advantage? See for yourself:

Light, at the earliest opportunity he gets, attempts to establish a connection with Ryuk, a common ground if you will, by saying that he killed all those people because he was "bored too..."

Just how true is that statement? Compare it with these reasons I gave previously behind Light's actions:

"And we can conclude that all of Light's actions are due to him denying vehemently to himself that he fucked up (his first two kills) + he's scared of dying (at the Shinigami's hands) without making any noticeable difference in the world. These reasons contribute to him killing a LOT of criminals with heart attacks before Ryuk's arrival."

Light *is* bored at the start of canon but that isn't the only reason for his actions/killings. So why the alteration?

I believe it's because his story of sacrificing himself for the good of the whole world will likely not be appealing to Ryuk. We know this as we can see just how less of fucks Ryuk gives to how Light's affected by killing other humans.

The 'Okay.' says it all lmao

In all seriousness, this issue isn't lost on Light, he decides that he needs to up the entertainment factor for Ryuk to avoid getting killed. He changes his behavior accordingly. He won't mention that he planned on dying a martyr for his cause as that sounds boring as hell. What he will mention is:

"I'm going to make the whole world know I'm here...that somebody is passing righteous judgment on them!!" which is infinitely more entertaining than the truth (that even Light won't admit to himself (i.e., him covering his fuck-ups by denying it was a fuck-up via performing even more fuck-ups intentionally)).

After all, what can be more entertaining than a teenager trying his hand to play God of the new world?

What I'd like to point out is: Light does not have a 'God' complex (at least in the beginning of the story). He says "I will reign over a new world." which means he views becoming a 'God' as a power he'll gain in the future by killing people. If he did have a God complex at this juncture in time, he'd say 'I am the God of the new world.' I don't think he means God in a religious context, he means the power to make his own rules in his own world as God.

And y'know what? Light's plan works! Ryuk's very excited about watching Light's 'aspirations' to Godhood unfold:

From this point onward, all his murders come from the fact that he needs to entertain Ryuk (as Light knows all too well that him being alive + given the Note is in exchange for Ryuk having fun) NOT from his idea of becoming a God.

Again I don't quite agree with your opinion that 'and his impulsivity appears when his ego is being attacked, his trigger is being called "evil" or something that reflects negatively on his idealized image of himself'.

It's close to the truth but not quite the truth imho. Like yes I agree his trigger is being called "evil", and sometimes he does get impulsive when his ego is being attacked (insert L saying 'Kira is childish & hates losing') yeah. But like his image of himself isn't that idealized. He's used to being the best yet after becoming Kira, it's hard for him to continue insisting that he's righteous but he does it anyway.

However, he does know in his heart that what he's doing is evil. And that's why he can't shake it off when his father says this re: Kira:

He's not so impulsive here, I'd say. Even when his image is being reflected on negatively by his own dad. After his dad's death, he admits to the task force that Kira probably thinks what he's doing is evil. That's why I say that his self-image isn't that idealized.

Light has tremendous confidence, to be sure. And this is reinforced by the results he achieves in his life too. Narcissists tend to have an exaggerated sense of importance but that isn't the case for Light. Because he IS the number 1 in Japan, no question about it + no exaggeration on Light's part to think so, as it's proven by the national test scores.

I agree that Light isn't a psychopath or a sociopath since he's whole world view and motivations can be explained by Narcissism, however he can still have "Antisocial" traits such as lack of emotional control, impulsivity, break rules to fulfill their goals, etc (criminal traits, not necessarily psychopathy/sociopathy traits).

Gentle reminder that there is no need for explaining any character's evil actions by a mental illness/personality disorder. I don't think he has Narcissism. I also believe that there's not a case to be made for his lack of emotional control when we repeatedly see Light (and ridicule him for it) of being too in control over his emotions. For instance, when L revealed his identity and Light was nonchalance personified. When L accused Light of being Kira, and Light's response was:

So! As we can see Light Yagami maintains a stringent control over his emotions. What happened during the Lind. L. Tailor incident was not a consistent habit of his. Light is the opposite of impulsive, he spends so much of his time thinking what his next move will be so I feel it won't do justice to his character if we call him impulsive.

Yes, he does break rules to fulfil his goals, like killing, hacking etc.

I'm not knowledgeable about irl murderers (& psychology )who may or may not be narcissist so apologies for not replying to that portion of your ask.

The only one that could probably classify as a psychopath (if he was human) is Ryuk.

I can't see Ryuk as being a psychopath. I'd say to tell me your reasoning for this judgment of yours but then again, I don't have sufficient knowledge to have informed views on this.

In conclusion, Light's murders are not due to his god complex, or his narcissism (I don't think Light has narcissism. Period.)

[castlebyersafterdark]

ok here are two off the top of my head

this one analyze the moments finn talks about noah which imo just make me 👀😍

https://youtu.be/qgXPO2r8uZU?si=xbEueZAPSF4_F4t8

then this one the foah moment starting at 1:05 with them when finn is having his anxiety

https://youtu.be/TwF2PvdpyQo?si=_RGOPNgFAJVGomWP

CLIP ONE Ok, starting off strong. This is one of the top cast clips imo. I love Noah's insistence that he's not wholesome followed by an onslaught of people saying he is HA that's funny. Show us more of your really un-wholesome side, babes. We've seen it a little now. Teased it. Let go a little more. Your captive audience is begging for it. Also also I can listen to him read the damn phonebook. Noah has theee most soothing voice. I'm still obsessed. I wonder how aware this boy is of his gay audience, to be honest? He's gotta be aware of the effect he has on guys. He has to know. There's a whole other side we're not getting and I for one am curious as hell.

Finn's impressions of him, though. They're so accurate! "He's just the nicest person in the world." FINNN. Yeah this one is interesting. Overused word but ENDEARING. Wait wait I forgot how fucking hysterical this interview is - Eduardo as Noah "Oh, it's a life or death situation. Let's go get on a private jet and fly somewhere else!" And Charlie's "God it's so annoying that you have to die right now. Ugh!!" STOPPP - which is what made Finn laugh like this. Boy. Again, funny, but not that funny? He's laughing like he finds everything about the boy he likes hysterical. Or, devil's advocate - it's the fact that Eduardo and Charlie are yet more older man of which is Finn's kryptonite, always acting up and laughing harder just because he LIVES to impress and humor men. Either way. 👀

Just look at him. He was wheeeezing over that bit. Oooh then the poker story. Great moment. Finn, Finn, Finn. "What did he say!? He said something sooo funny." Do you remember word for word what my good buddy Noah said, do you remember, did you memorize everything he's done in our presence like I have? And the other two "Uhh... yeah..." Clearly Noah is someone sooo special to him, love this. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

Noah better be with Finn and the other guys and anyone else because... someone else just isn't as fun in these interviews! Need him to cut loose and get weird and be silly and gives us the energy. Not giving with hmm. Be nice be nice be nice.

CLIP TWO Oh, the babies! Red carpets are honestly probably the hardest to get through I just want to crawl and hide in the same way baby Finn probably wanted to crawl and hide. He makes me so sad here. Clearly going through it. His nerves 🥲 He's so bouncy and fidgety and oooh it's rough. It's a little rough to watch. And then Noah saves him a bit. Sweet. And then Noah clocks it more and just, keeps trying for eye contact. He knows, and I feel like he so much wanted to slip behind Millie and console him - but how sweet when Caleb sees it, too? This group is so special. Then the very intense eye contact between Finn and Noah? Woah. It really seemed to center Finn a little.

Now, I don't even necessarily read it as romantic (but who's to say that little teenage crushes are impossible at this time) but it's more to me, showcasing this truth in front of us about the place they have now and have had in each other's lives. There for each other. They've probably helped each other out with a lot, down from the edge, a source of comfort and companionship. Beyond the romance chatter and all we love here - this is why Noah calls him a "special person" and the same with him to Finn. There's a connection there, whatever it really means. And it's cool we've gotten to witness something like this. There's a lot of negativity and contention in the industry. I think that's what part of why this group has been so compelling to observe over the years. It's a bit more authentic and real, the intertwining relationships.

Gosh, the longer I watched the clip though - the deeper I pulled my sweater over my face. Too recognizable. Seeing a kid who's both excitable and also in the depths of excruciating anxiety? Looked like a mirror. Wanted to close my eyes.

[soracities]

Just reading the makeup post which you responded to so eloquently, and I don't have anything half as insightful to say, but just a curious observation about myself. Specifically when you talked about shaving - I'm a Muslim and I wear an abaya in my day to day life, so nobody ever really sees my legs, yet I shave every week or two and have done for years. My non-Muslim friends are absolutely rather bemused by this since no one will see them but I just like doing it "for myself". But I have to say, even I can't truly believe that my "choice" exists in a vacuum - sure I can't/won't get validation from the outside world, but isn't the standard I have for smooth "perfect" skin influenced by the culture around me? So even without the negative consequence of going outside with hairy legs, I think we are still influenced.. and it makes me think about voyeurism too, the way as a woman I've always looked at myself as if I'm outside of myself. No one will see me, but if they could, what would they say? Even I can't pretend to be free.

This is such a good point, anon, and so illuminating to read, I appreciate so much you taking to the time to send this 💕 You're absolutely right--voyeurism is a massively huge thing and it's something I struggle with quite intensely to an insane degree (which is partly why, though not the main reason, I feel so strongly about not wearing makeup). And I think this is the part of the conversation that gets lost so often because for a lot of people it manifests in different ways--I don't feel the pressure to wear makeup, but I do feel the pressure to shave my underarms when in public. I don't feel the pressure to look sexy, necessarily, but I do feel the pressure to be attractive. It's a never-ending panopticon and it can be so exhausting.

I think, as social creatures, we are all predisposed to think of ourselves in terms of others' opinions which is entirely natural for who we are, but the fact that we have the world we have means some opinions weigh more heavily than others (and doubly-true, I think, when you have a confluence of marginalised identities)--so you're completely right, one way or another we are influenced and sometimes I do think it's so difficult to have these conversations because a lot of people don't always realise this; it's a deeply subconscious thing sometimes and even when it's not it can be a wearying thing to get to terms with and it's a lot easier to just....ignore that reality at times.

[dragonknightofsummerset]

So with zos having said that they'd like to revisit the older companions, and the recent letter mentioning they'd like to expand on old zones/quests, it got me thinking of things I'd for sure like to see.

Of course, the shipping side of my brain was like, "Romance??" Cause to me, all this info means that we can possibly get more depth with recurring npcs &, of course, companions who already have a different dynamic with the Vestige (or whoever your main character is) which could possibly lead to romance (please).

I especially would love Bastian & Mirri to get more added to their houseguest lines, an additional quest, since they're the only ones with just 2 & they're short compared to the newer companion's quests, more unique dialogue to the different world events (although I'd want this for all of the companions that came before Zerith & Tan) because I am enjoying both Zerith & Tan having unique dialogue to the different world events, (I do still have some to test though).

No offense, but Bastian saying "the gates to oblivion stand open" to anchors, oblivion portals, & harrowstorms is disappointing, especially after being spoiled with the newest companions. (I don't think Isobel or Ember say anything unique about the vents but Tanlorin does, so you see where I'm going with this.)

Speaking of Ember, I definitely think she needs more love, from my experience, having gone around with all the companions, she says the least while you're out harvesting, unless it's a runestone. I also think she should have dialogue and/or approval when you create an enchantment, as one of her lines is, "I can't wait to see what your going to do with that" when you harvest a runestone. Also, she definitely should be able to say something if your character is a werewolf, the same way Isobel voices some discomfort if your character is a vampire. (Which btw I'm still surprised Zerith-var doesn't say anything to your character if they're a vampire.)

Also, me personally, I find Ember's questline to be the weakest because we don't learn more about her, other than she was really close to her friends from skywatch, and we don't necessarily do anything related to her magic, which is a reason she gives for wanting to travel with us (to learn more). It's just sad cause there isn't a balance between helping her friends & learning more about Ember or discussing her magic with her.

Admittedly, I feel similarly to Isobel's questline, although it's a bit better written, but I think sometimes it comes off as the quest being more about Aurelia than Isobel.

Ah, anyway, I rambled on a lot there, but in regards to ALL the companions, I truly hope they get an update where they react to new life festival quests.

For example, Mirri reacting to the snow bear plunge, since she has mentioned her mother participating in it, and maybe reacting to the dunmer celebration too, or the orc one considering Mirri gives me the vibe of someone who likes to eat lol. Bastian reacting to the old life observence as well as the breton celebration since he grew up in daggerfall. Sharp-as-night enjoying the hissmir fishing. Tanlorin enjoying the mudball merriment, being the gremlin that they are, and also wanting to participate in the khajiit one to see how fast they could do it. Oh, and with Ember having lived in skywatch, maybe she's familiar with the mudball throwing as well as liking the five claw guile to test her lockpicking skills. Azandar probably would have negative things to say about running around in alik'r, maybe intrigued by the imperial's way of celebrating? Zerith-var's reaction to the khajiit holiday quest could be him mentioning that they celebrated differently in the order (or not at all?) & maybe he likes the altmer or argonian holiday quests because they're about giving and helping others. As for Isobel, I'm sure she'd like the performances done in the bretons holiday quest.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I'm in need of advice/validation.

TW: emotional abuse

I have MDD. And people from my past, who I deeply cared about, even loved, neglected me, lied to me, cheated on me, gaslighted me. My parents emotionally abused me as well. So I have developed this trauma and as a result, I always think that all of the relationship I'm going to be in will always be like the ones I had from the past.

Now, I have a fiancé. We love each other dearly. The problem is I always assume that I'm not wanted or loved. I feel neglected and ungrateful even when he is doing so much for me emotionally. He is very kind, understanding, and supportive. Yet I always assume that he will just get tired of me and leave me like all my past partners did. Now I'm afraid that he would, indeed, get tired of me and leave me if I keep on accusing him that he doesn't love me.

I'll appreciate any advice that you can give me. How do I stop these negative thoughts and feelings about him? I don't want to lose him. I want to get better so I can love him better.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. Please know that you didn't deserve to go through that, and you're not alone. I can understand how your experiences with interpersonal abuse may have shaped your perception of relationships. Also know that it's completely okay to seek reassurance in your relationship, and this article explains more.

While it's not necessarily possible to simply stop these thoughts, there are a few things you could try to mitigate them. I've personally found that having open communication can greatly help in establishing trust that your partner is committed to the relationship. You may want to consider finding a time where you both can give the conversation undivided attention, perhaps in a private space, and explain your thoughts and feelings, and how they're influenced by your past experiences and less to do with him specifically or anything he's doing. Maybe you could ask him for some reassurance to challenge those thoughts. This reassurance may only provide so much relief, but as you observe over time that your partner has chosen to stay, you may find that these thoughts may begin to fade.

In one of my friend's relationships, something she does with her partner is say a certain codeword they've agreed upon that essentially asks "Is everything okay between us?" and their partner says the word back to say "Yes." There are all different kinds of ways that you can establish reassurance like this.

It may also be useful to explore your love languages with your partner, and find out what you appreciate the most so that it can inform your fiance. You and your partner can take the quiz here. Perhaps learning what you appreciate the most can help your partner communicate their affection in the most effective way.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could best help you in processing your trauma, managing your MDD and other symptoms, and navigate your relationship in a healthy way.

If anyone else would like to share things that help them, please feel free to do so. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[kradogsrats]

Lissa leaving is so “a doll’s house” coded to me, like i think lissa leaving her family in order to become her own person is a very ✨thematically ✨ interesting move in a story that is so focused on sacrifice (ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN)

lmao daaaaaang everyone coming at me with classy media references I'm not familiar with this weekend... *one SparkNotes visit later* yeah I can see it

I've considered a lot of possibilities for the circumstances of Lissa leaving, and kind of favor one over the other depending on my mood, but like... I think the real things that people are generally reacting to negatively are a) why did she go so far that she completely disappeared from her children's life, and b) why did she leave them behind (with Viren, father of the year: literally never)?

Which is just... we know that Viren was once a loving father, at least as far as Callum was able to see. Does his observation necessarily mean a ton? Maybe not. But I don't think Lissa would have left Soren and Claudia behind if she knew how Viren would become. She wasn't leaving because she thought he was a danger to the children, though I don't think the two of them were likely treating each other very well at the end—she had probably, by that point, experienced some of his petty and vindictive streak, at least.

But I think a lot is wrapped up in why she goes all the way to Del Bar. Now, technically I don't think it says anywhere that Lissa herself is from Del Bar and therefore a foreigner in Katolis, but we kind of all operate on that assumption, and even if she was native to Katolis a lot of this would still apply. She's going through a somewhat-acrimonious separation from a man who is a) a powerful mage, and b) literally the king's best friend. She's not a citizen of Katolis, assuming such a thing grants any privileges at all, but even if it doesn't... there's an imbalance of power there that is not in her favor. I mean, say she wants to take Soren and Claudia, and Viren won't let her. Or Viren says he'll let her, then changes his mind and sends guards to her house saying she's kidnapped them. What's she going to do, throw herself on Harrow's mercy? Harrow, Viren's lifelong best friend? I mean, don't tell me you think this setting has a fully fleshed-out impartial family court system. She may never feel safe or free in Katolis again. Like, with Viren's level of power, he could make her life absolute hell if he wanted to.

And then, like I said... he's a powerful mage. It's not clear even to us as viewers exactly what Viren did to save Soren that was so awful, much less whether Lissa is aware of it, but if she is? He's literally capable of making her disappear. And if it's something even Harrow would find reprehensible? Well, best case scenario is they have a kind of Ozai/Ursa standoff where she has the power to utterly destroy her, while she has the insurance of information that could ruin him, and the solution is "leave the country, or I'll kill you... also I'm keeping the kids, never contact them again."

(I'll roll my eyes a little if it's that, because... way to repeat yourselves, guys. I get that Claudia is your second chance at getting Azula right, but sheesh.)

And like... maybe there's an AU in there where Lissa picks up her kids and makes a run for the border (which, I will note, the land border between Katolis and Del Bar is small, meaning easily to shut down and search everyone passing through, and sea ports for going by way of Evenere even more so) and Viren loses his entire goddamn mind. IDEK.

Or, I mean, maybe she's just horrible. There are plenty of absolute shit-ass parents who abandon their children for no real reason out there. I'm just less interested in that than I am in decent people who did everything they could only for it to never be enough.

[soapoet]

hey soapy! I was curious: what tarot decks do you use and also what's your favorite cards?? I want to get one myself but there are so many options and I don't know what to get 😫 could you maybe give pros and cons of yours or some advice for choosing the right deck? thank you sm❣️

Hiya ♡ this might be a little long sooo...

Here are some of my favourite cards represented by my decks (oracles and lenormands excluded):

Rider-Waite > Dreaming Way > Shadowscapes

Crow tarot > Heaven & Earth > GOT tarot

The following are just my personal experiences and opinions on these decks and how/when/where I use them:

Rider-Waite

I tend to recommend this (or similar) to beginners because it's very easy to follow, and many other decks follow the same concept and I find it easy to use other decks because I know Rider and its symbolism so well, and then easily pick up on how other decks may present things differently, which adds a lot of meaning and variety. Rider is my most scuffed up and beat deck because it has been loved and used for a long time. Even though I have 'prettier' decks (ones that appeal to my aesthetic tastes more like Dreaming way as an example), I always come back to this one. It's my true ace and all-rounder, and I reach for it for a variety of reasons. Bonus: I have a lenormand deck which is built from the imagery in Rider, so they pair beautifully together! 10/10

Dreaming way

Gosh, the imagery in this deck is so precious, like the picture books from my childhood. Differs a little bit from Rider, and those differences are usually very relevant in the readings I do with it. I tend to reach for this one when I do interpersonal readings or need a little more nuance than Rider. The deck is predominantly made up of female characters, even some of the Kings are presented as feminine. Very playful and also easy to read. There's a lenormand deck that pairs with this that's been sold out in the shop I get my decks from, and I'm waiting for them to restock because I need it in my life. Also a 10/10.

Shadowscapes

I really treat this deck like a delicate flower, and tend to only reach for it for more extensive or significant readings, like my annual overviews or spiritual guidance/healing type of stuff. The imagery is very detailed, the kind that you might not always notice everything at first glance and it takes quite a while to acquaint yourself with everything present in each card. It thus requires a little more observing and connecting to each card, but it also gives a lot more if I have the patience. Very soothing deck to use, and I adore the little tales that come along with each card in the book! I wouldn't necessarily recommend this to a beginner because of how many intricate details each card has and how, at least in my experience, it seems to require a higher degree of a meditative state to make the most of readings. 7.5/10

Crow tarot

You'd think this deck would be darker than it is, but it's very vibrant and I have found that it really helps make sense of some darker themes. I tend to reach for this deck specifically for readings that are a little heavier or the querent feels a little anxious about something. It has a very stable and secure energy. A lot of the 'negative' cards (I don't consider them negative but iykyk) have a good amount of hope layered on top so it's not so easy to spiral into unnecessary worry and fear. Despite that, it's still very honest and clear. I'd say Rider is the most brutally straight-to-the-point, no flowery filler or sugar-coating type of deck, whilst Crow is that, just more gentle. The deck does follow similar symbolism, but is a little more abstract which is fun because it really opens up more doors, so to speak. It's slightly larger than the standard sized cards, but I also have very long fingers so I don't have too much of a problem handling the deck, but I know people with smaller hands sometimes struggle with it. 8/10

Heaven & Earth

This is my most recent addition, replacing several decks that I previously owned but gave away to people who needed them more. And boy has this quickly become my go-to. Rider can finally catch a break because this is the deck I bring along when I have somewhere to go, and it's the one I seem to default to often. Very strong and vivid imagery, reminds me of paintings I'd find in a museum. Closely follows Rider's imagery, but also has some additions like symbols for different planets and zodiac signs, Hebrew letters and elements and such. Some cards also have their name changed, like 5 of Wands is called Strife, 10 of Swords has been renamed to Ruin, 2 of Swords is Peace, etc. I find this deck delightful, very thorough yet easy to read and I connect to it very quickly and effortlessly. 10/10

Game of thrones tarot

Listen, this was originally just a suitable type of merch for me (I got my brother the hand of the King pin bottle opener at the same time) but honestly? A surprisingly good deck even though I didn't get it necessarily to use consistently, but the cards are very good quality, even beating some of the above decks in how they feel and could take a serious beating without damage (useful for someone who shuffles like I'm at war). The cards themselves follow the tried and true imagery, but using moments and characters from the show, and I was taken aback a bit by how well they chose some of the cards. This deck produces very vivid imagery and, as I should've expected, is a good story-teller and really takes me on a journey when I use it. It doesn't get a lot of use, but it's still always a nice experience when I do. 8/10

What deck to get is very personal, though most readers would likely agree that starting off with something that has clear imagery and teaches and helps reinforce the basics of each card is the best bet so that the beginner's journey starts with a solid foundation.

Ex. The Kawaii tarot, as adorable as it is, probably isn't the ideal place to start, because it doesn't have much for you to go off of, and would require you to memorise everything without any clues in the cards themselves for everything the card represents. Whereas the Modern witch tarot has the basics that the majority of decks follow and have a lot more for you to pick up on:

Learning tarot is only partially about knowing the basic meanings, and studying the cards and their intricacies just builds the foundation to the craft. Ultimately you will see each card differently every time, notice different things, find alternative meanings and see how they are altered by different combinations with other cards, and depend on the context at hand. Tarot is a tool. You can train your intuition and benefit from using divination tools like tarot to help it along, but ultimately it is your intuition that observes energy, not the cards that dictate what's what, it just gives you something more tangible to tie what you pick up on to.

So really, choose a deck that appeals to you and you'd enjoy using, yet is thorough and clear and has a lot of symbolism, but not too much *cough* Shadowscapes *cough* so that it's too messy, requiring too much focus to pick up on what you're looking at. You can move on to more stylised and abstract decks once you feel more secure and confident in your ability to wield your intuition.

Note: Not all decks are identical to Rider, but many are, so it can be beneficial to know how they work. I know people who learned the basic meanings of cards without anything remotely similar to the imagery presented by Rider, and use highly abstract decks very successfully, and that's perfectly okay too!

But yeah, that's just my two cents. Hope it helps :') ♡

[quandaryqueen]

Do you have any tips for writing or general? Or writing yanderes?

Now I'm no means a professional writer, so take this with a grain of salt.

So writing for me took long for me to master to the point of it being satisfactory and coherent in my eyes and since English is not my native language, it was another factor I needed to consider to be able to write English fics. Even now I'm still learning English and taking an English language degree in college rn.

• It took practice, reading other author's works helps too by observing their writing structures, gaining vocabulary, phrases, etc.

• Know which proper punctuations to use.

• Constant research about topics of what you need to write just so you know what you're taking about.

• Take inspiration from every day life, it's what I constantly do whenever I write fics. Almost all my fics contains something real that happened to me, or what I have heard from loved ones.

• Write at your own pace. When one is forced to do something, sometimes it comes off as half-assed in the process. So I really, highly stress for you to write at your own pace. Don't let negative pressure push you to do something you don't want.

• Sometimes needless dialogues or descriptions should be cut out of the narrative, but you don't have to necessarily delete it. You can always save them and use it for later.

• If you're writing fics, try to know the characters you will be writing very well. Will the canon guy do this? Will the canon guy say this?

But at the same time, sometimes you'd like to write this canon guy in your own interpretation, that's okay too ^_^

• As for yanderes, I like to delve into their psyche. How, in their messed brain, might think and do such a thing? How do they justify their actions and words? Why are they doing this? Why are they obsessed with their darling? Are they in too deep that they're blind about the bad things they do?

And that's all I can think off of the top of my head.

[ofgentleresolve]

☀ + topic idea ( feel free to answer all, some, or none of these !! : D ) . . . collaboration in rp as a topic! some specific questions on it: I know you do a lot of world-building and have so many ideas for your characters that aren’t necessarily tied to rp… how do you balance being a collaborative and open rp partner, with making sure you maintain the integrity of your characters and your own ideas? is that a compromise you sometimes have to make, or is it never an issue for you?

and a more simple/crack-y q: have you or would you ever do other forms of roleplay, such as DnD and/or LARPing events??

winter enables my rambling :3 ( ask me anything about rp meme w/ @velvetineblue )

send a ☀ along with a roleplay related topic to hear my thoughts on it. Ask me anything!

WINTER!! that's an excellent question ( although you always ask thoughtful questions in mi opinion <3

. . . collaboration in rp as a topic! some specific questions on it: I know you do a lot of world-building and have so many ideas for your characters that aren’t necessarily tied to rp… how do you balance being a collaborative and open rp partner, with making sure you maintain the integrity of your characters and your own ideas? is that a compromise you sometimes have to make, or is it never an issue for you?

so when i started here again, one thing i decided early on to focus on alongside threads is world building ( ie in some cases that's really just character development ). because rp requires a lot of patience and sometimes people's schedules don't line up/one party has more free time, it helps for me to have something i can work on independently/pour my creative energies into while waiting for replies and plotting messages.

as for balance tho!! it's not really an issue for me mostly because ( and i don't recommend doing this actually sjflksdjf ) for all I say that i love plotting with people, i'm actually very selective with who i plot with in depth. of course basic plotting, i don't mind doing with newcomers, but generally if we're talking in-depth, i usually like to observe either a. how our writing mesh, b. how they run their blog, or c. how they act ooc wise in conversation and on dash before really starting to plot in depth. with these factors in mind, i can usually figure out if how well we'll get along. at first, i'll let them have say, a more surface level connection with my muse that way if i don't think we won't work as well together, i won't be too attached to the dynamic...( the exceptions of course are the ones who jump into in depth plotting from the beginning and in those cases, their energy can be infectious <3 )

if i think it's a good match tho, that's when i let my partner participate on a deeper level in my character's lore, enough to let that affect my character in a crucial manner. at that point, that's when i know they are actually interested in my characters and would want me to play them true to who they are rather than what they and their characters alone will get out of the connection. i think it also helps that a lot of the dynamics i have plotted with muses who play significant roles in my muses' lives they are inherently positive....if there are any topics/dynamics that i think are intense or more on the negative side, i'm more inclined to make my own npc/use my own muses ( ex. felicity in patrick's thg verse, that's where i explore what it means to be a victor ) instead of with someone else's muse to explore that.

that and most if not all of my muses tend to be more on the agreeable/cooperative side so they're inclined to be pleasant/not too extreme with other people ic i think i'm just lucky like that jfklsdjflskdjf also i do make sure that any actions that are taken by my muse, i try to make sure it's a response that doesn't overstep personal boundaries/i have an ooc conversation beforehand if it can veer into that territory....but finally! if it feels like in a thread the other mun seems upset that my muse was a tad more unpleasant than they wanted them to be....i usually drop the thread :/

and a more simple/crack-y q: have you or would you ever do other forms of roleplay, such as DnD and/or LARPing events??

probably not and not necessarily because I'm not interested, but because i know i would be the WORST at it....unfortunately, i'm really really bad at acting/doing accents even if it is among friends 😂 there's just like?? a barrier that i can't quite get past...this is probably why i do so well with tumblr rp since i feel more comfortable with letting loose in my writing rather than in person :'D

[onewomancitadel]

I mean to speak personally on a tangential topic of the previous post I really do not like most writer culture online. It's specifically an online issue because my writing friends in real life are great. But online you'd think writing were a worthless activity.

The torturous aspect aside it really is just talked about in such an unhappy way and not just in the venting sense in the actual artistic sense. The relationship between daydreaming and writing is treated as some mostly unrelated and most impeding activity from the 'real' craft when to me the two are not separate at all but are part of the crafting activity and I don't feel guilty going over my ideas again and again because they get progressively better with repetition. It's not something I feel remotely guilty about because it's part of the process.

I get that there is some exorcistic about writing, it is a type of purging (- of ideas, of feeling, of this 'thing' you have to do at all costs, an actual type of calling in a way - they'd call that embarrassing now I suppose), and that means there's an inherent unpleasantness associated with it, and there is a real difficulty in that writing can be really hard even when you really want to do it. But that's never really acknowledged as something valuable because all negative feelings are bad and it's too close to the starving artist archetype (which is a bad and misguided one, of course, that's led to real pain and suffering consequently). But on the other hand it seems like writing is always bad and boring and it's never as good as the thing you imagined... I kind of thought the point of writing was to realise your imagination as close as possible, even if you don't necessarily reach your ideal, the pursuit is worthwhile... writing is not a waste of time...

I'm not sure if my thoughts here are totally clear. I understand a lot of people vent about the topic so I'm not about to be telling other people what to do. But I don't really relate to the culture, and I think that there are actual ideological differences (about the purpose, the enjoyment, the rigour) concerning writing that perhaps speak to something that actually feeds into the torment writing inflicts on authors.

It's worth saying that my goal is never to be a published author. The original work I'm writing probably will be released for free and I have no personal deadlines and I otherwise write fanfic with self-asserted timelines. So my priorities are very very very different, and once writing is your professional job it's quite a different context - I could understand that once it's become a job it feels more like a chore, and of course you're going to conceive of everything but the substantial endproduct as being a waste of time, and view writing blocks as being direct impediments to your job and not part of the process. As a silly Tumblrina I obviously can't comment on that, and that partly limits my observations. But for me personally, and specifically for my hobby, what I've outlined here has been something that's helped me actually write the things I want to write when I used to live in terror of the idea.